Last night I went on a Tinder date with someone a lot younger than me.
He said the following things:”I bet you were pretty 20 years ago.”
“You look good, for your age.”
“You look the same now, except for the wrinkles” – when I showed him a photo of me 20 years ago.
Ouch These observations cut to the core.
And yet – THEY ARE ALL TRUE. So why does it hurt so much?
I am 44 years old. All my life, I have used my looks as currency, my main mechanism of selling myself to the world. I have cashed in using this currency throughout my life. It has opened doors quickly, earning me instant merit and trust.
And of course I’ve used the way I’ve looked to attract and manipulate men in different scenarios both personal and professional.
These days are ending. Receiving last night’s remarks bring further proof of this. I can no longer show up in the world relying on my looks to win friends, lovers, and influence people.
It’s dangerous to create an identity out of anything temporary: looks, career, or role. It all changes and will all end.
We all have moments where we can choose to go into breakdown or create a breakthrough For me this is one of those moments.
So I now choose myself. The real me, not the one basing my value on my fading looks, who’d be anything to anyone to try and fill the void inside. Not the me picking the perfect photo to share, wearing the perfect outfit in order to cash in on that old and disappearing currency of external beauty.
I now commit to showing up vulnerable, authentic, and honest. So I am sharing this spur-of-the-moment selfie right now: no filter, no preparation, no second take. This is the real me
If this message resonates, I invite you to do the same. Take a spur-of-the-moment selfie now and post it in the comments below
The reality is: You’ll get old. Your job might lay you off, or your husband may leave; the kids will grow up and move out.
It’s time to shift the focus, and look inside for the treasure. This treasure is YOU. You just as you are without external accoutrements.
Show the universe you are ready to take a stand and that you value yourself by showing up authentically, vulnerably, perfectly imperfect YOU in this world
I’m here to support you as we rise together Feel free to join me and reach out if you want to step powerfully into your future as your authentic self
6 Replies to “Tinder Date”
Love your honesty. I am with you. Just took my selfie. It is hard to to judge – I mentally have the excuses behind the face/eyes… end of a long day, I am cold, I am drained and tired and it is almost Friday! But, then I look passed all that and I am filled with gratitude that I am safe, even during another covid lockdown extension, I have a loving family, a job and a roof over my head. I am blessed. Thank you for sharing xoxo
Would love to see your selfie if you care to share, Yvonne! Love how you can you love yourself and have compassion and also be grateful ❤ Thank you for reading and commenting.
* not judge
I don’t know if you saw the comment I left about this but I have been thinking about it all day! What an asshole!
I mean, that is appalling! who the hell says those things to someone?!?!?!!!!!!
I think I may have kicked his ass! Haha. I just cannot believe it. What a horrible person.
I’m sorry that happened to you but I think you are perfect just the way you are!
Sent from my iPhone
Hi Jill! I appreciate your support on this and understand why you would say this, and my purpose to share those things was about how it affected me rather than anything negative about him. Thank you so much for saying I’m perfect the way I am, this is what I am working on accepting ❤